Turn the Other Cheek: Spirituality, Self-Betrayal & Boundaries
- Dorit Kozlovski
- Jan 10
- 8 min read
Updated: 10 hours ago
How “Turn the Other Cheek” Can Be Misinterpreted To Justify Self-Abandonment
One of the most persistent misunderstandings in spirituality is the limiting belief that awakening requires putting up with disrespect on the expense of oneself.
Many people carry an unspoken assumption that to be “conscious,” “loving” or “spiritually mature”, one must remain available to manipulation, insults, boundary violations or emotional abuse.
This belief is often justified by spiritual phrases such as:
“Turn the other cheek”
“Be the bigger person”
"Love unconditionally"
While one can unconditionally love the other and accept their behaviour by seeing it as it is,
continued participation is not necessary.
What is rarely questioned is whether these interpretations under such circumstances reflect truth — or could it be misunderstood as a limiting belief of abandoning oneself.
When Jesus said "Deny thyself" he meant recognise the true self beyond the identity -the ego.
This does not mean abandoning your True Self; not the time trapped identity that is temporary.
This article explores how spiritual teachings can be misinterpreted to justify ongoing abuse, how boundaries can be seen as neutral or positive and why True Self value is essential in awakening — essential for awakened societies.
The Difference Between Compassion and Becoming a Punching Bag
At its root, the teaching “turn the other cheek” points toward non-hatred — a refusal to mirror aggression with hatred.
But somewhere along the way, this teaching was often twisted into something else:
“If you are spiritual, you have to take ongoing disrespect, abuse or remain in manipulative relationships.”
This misuse serves the ego on both sides.
The abuser’s ego is protected through spiritual language:
“If you were really spiritual, you wouldn’t complain.”
“Forgive and endure — otherwise you’re not wise.”
At the same time, the wounded ego of the one other may internalize:
“If I endure this, I am good, holy or loyal.”
“Leaving or setting boundaries means I am unloving.”
This is not compassion.
It is self-abandonment dressed in spiritual language.
Witnessing the difference between:
refusing to retaliate from hatred
and refusing to remain available as a punching bag
can be an honest observation.
Awareness that both can exist at the same time. You can refuse to attack —and in case of no openness for understanding also decide to remove yourself from the situation.
False Humility, Spiritual Guilt & Bypassing
Once the root mechanism — ego — is exposed, it becomes easier to see how spirituality can be misinterpreted to make oneself small, compliant and ashamed of healthy boundaries.
False humility often disguises itself as virtue:
“Good people don’t say no.”
“Love means absorbing other people’s negative emotions and rage.”
“Spiritual people don’t get angry or walk away.”
This creates spiritual guilt — a quiet internal pressure that polices self-respect from within.
People begin to silence themselves due to the limiting belief or fear of appearing "not good" or "unspiritual".
This is spiritual bypassing: using spiritual ideas and false identity to avoid seeing the truth— and responding through distortion.
When “Turn the Other Cheek” Is Misunderstood As Boundary-Erasing Belief
When the teaching is interpreted as:
“I must tolerate any insult or mistreatment indefinitely or I am unspiritual,”
it becomes a limiting belief about boundaries.
This interpretation blends:
a partial reading of the original text,
with cultural narratives such as:
“Nice people don’t confront.”
“Love means marturism”
“Holiness equals suffering in silence.”
From a trauma-aware spiritual perspective, this is a misunderstanding of compassion.
Genuine self-value does not permit ongoing neglect of self or others.
When you permit any kind of violence towards self, you enable negative behaviour, thus creating negative karma (cause and effect).
According to the law of the Universe - whatever you give out comes back to you.
When you enable unkindness you are giving out a message that it is acceptable to treat yourself unkindly and you are actually treating the one who is manipulating or abusing unkindly too, by giving them the opportunity to continue to act unkindly.
Healthy spirituality includes seeing situations as they are, accepting reality and valuing oneself - to treat yourself as kindly as you would treat others kindly.
Enabling Abuse Is Not Compassion
One way to understand enabling — drawn from both psychological and spiritual insight — is this:
When someone repeatedly tolerates insults, manipulation or abuse without acknowledging it, expressing about it, or distancing from it; it can function as self-abandonment.
Over time, this may reinforce unconscious beliefs such as:
“My needs don’t matter.”
“This is what I deserve.”
“I must suffer to be good.”
In spiritual language, permitting ongoing disrespect is not compassion. It can be a sign of:
trauma conditioning
low self-worth
learned helplessness
or mistaken religious ideas that equate holiness with silent suffering
Compassion does not require the erasure of self. In fact self value is extremely important. It's part of the main Universal laws One for All and All for One.
Weather you treat yourself poorly or with compassion determines also how you value and treat others.
What Research Shows About Abuse, Enabling & Backlash
Psychological research is clear on several points:
Emotional and verbal abuse — chronic belittling, gaslighting, humiliation and manipulation — are forms of violence that erode self-esteem, autonomy and mental health.
Enabling behaviour is defined as protecting someone from the natural consequences of their harmful actions, allowing those actions to continue. It is often linked to:
fear of conflict or abandonment
anxious attachment
histories of abuse
low self-worth
codependency
toxic relationships
Weak or violated boundaries are consistently associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression and emotional exhaustion. Establishing clear boundaries correlates with improved psychological well-being.
Religion in Practice (Not Doctrine)
Empirical studies in some conservative religious contexts document that spiritual language has, at times, been misused to minimize abuse.
Some abused individuals report being told to:
pray more
forgive
stay in harmful situations
with phrases like “turn the other cheek” cited as justification.
At the same time, many contemporary religious leaders and institutions now explicitly state that:
enduring abuse is not a spiritual requirement
safety, leaving, reporting and firm boundaries are compatible with faith
This distinction matters: the problem is not spirituality itself, but from witch perspective - that is how teachings ar interpreted and applied.
Ego vs Boundaries: A Crucial Distinction
A common confusion in spiritual spaces is the idea that boundaries are egoic.
Ego-based boundaries are reactive, defensive and fueled by fear.
Clear boundaries arise from presence.
They do not need justification.
They do not require anger.
They do not seek dominance.
They simply state what is true.
“This behaviour is not acceptable.”
“I will not participate in this dynamic.”
“I am stepping away.”
There is no hierarchy in this or no moral posturing. Just honesty.
The New Earth - High Self Value and Self-Respect
The New Earth doesn't require enabling of dysfunction at the expense of oneself.
New Earth - individuals are celebrated for their differences because everyone is unique and there is no need to abandon oneself..
Healthy boundaries and high self value are not obstacles to awakening — they are prerequisites for awakened societies.
When existence is recognised as inherent, worth no longer needs to be earned through self-sacrifice.
Compassion becomes natural.
Guilt dissolves.
Boundaries are simple.
🌿 Ways to Integrate Clarity, Boundaries & Self-Respect
For readers who recognise patterns of self-abandonment, guilt or energetic exhaustion, the following practices support a return to self-love.
Remote Cosmoenergy Healing (Individual Sessions & 10x Package)
High-frequency Cosmoenergy channels support clearing, protection and strengthening of the energetic field and can be combined with very specific physical body healing channels or love frequency to enhance self-love and harmonizing relationships. A single session can be a good start; a 10-session package allows higher consciousness frequencies to dissolve patterns — such as chronic people-pleasing, weak boundaries or energetic vulnerability.
Pendulum Dowsing & Coaching
This helps access higher-mind and soul guidance beyond ego narratives
Online Spiritual Hypnosis (Remote Sessions)
A direct way to recognise subconscious beliefs. These sessions support honest witnessing, self-trust and answers through higher consciousness beyond ego and lower mind.
These practices are not about becoming “better” or “more spiritual.”.
They support the natural return to self value, healthy self love, healthy boundaries and recognising True Self from the identification of time bound self — where compassion arises naturally.
Awakening Does Not Require Self-Betrayal
“Turning the other cheek” was never meant to mean turning away from oneself.
Spiritual maturity is not measured by how much disrespect one can tolerate, but by how clearly one can see — and respond — without fear.
In the next article, we will explore how guilt, saviour identities and moral superiority subtly reinforce ego structures, even within spiritual spaces that claim to transcend them.
FAQ – Spirituality, Boundaries & “Turning the Other Cheek”
How do I know if I’m being compassionate or just letting people abuse me?
Compassion does not require ongoing harm. If a situation repeatedly leaves you diminished, silenced or unsafe, it is not compassion — it is self-abandonment. True compassion includes care for yourself as well as others.
Is staying silent in the name of peace actually healthy?
Silence can be wise in some moments, but chronic silence in the face of disrespect often creates inner tension, resentment and emotional exhaustion. Peace that requires erasing yourself is not real peace.
Is it wrong to leave someone who keeps disrespecting me?
No. Leaving persistent disrespect is not a failure of love or spirituality. It is often an act of honest acceptance of the situation and high self-value and respect towards both parties. You are not obligated to stay available for abuse. You are not enabling a toxic dynamic.
Am I being unspiritual if I set boundaries?
No. Boundaries are not egoic by nature. Clear boundaries arise from awareness — they simply state what is true and what you will or won’t participate in.
Can you be spiritual and still walk away from someone?
Yes. Walking away can be an expression of wisdom not avoidance. Spirituality does not require proximity to abuse.
Is setting boundaries selfish or unloving?
Healthy boundaries are neither selfish nor unloving. They prevent resentment, enable honesty and can protect the dignity of everyone involved.
What does “turn the other cheek” really mean?
At its core its about dignity and non-hatred, not submission to abuse.
Does turning the other cheek mean letting people mistreat you?
No. Non-retaliation does not mean abandoning self or not valuing self. Being unkind to oneself is as unkind as treating others unkindly.
You can pause before reaction, dont need to attack back and still make a decision based on your higher mind and soul's decision at any given moment.
Did Jesus actually mean we should accept abuse?
There is no evidence that the teaching was meant to sanctify abuse.
Many contemporary theological interpretations explicitly reject the idea that faith requires enduring ongoing abuse.
How do you turn the other cheek without losing self-respect?
By not mirroring aggression — and also not abandoning yourself. You can remain non-violent while setting firm boundaries or sometimes removing yourself from the situation.
Why do I feel guilty when I stand up for myself?
Guilt often arises from false beliefs— religious, cultural or relational — that equates goodness with self-sacrifice.
Standing up for yourself may feel wrong at first because it challenges old beliefs, not because it actually is wrong.
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